what is god, anyway?

growing up in a heavily christian family, i was told to never question god and to always have faith.

in fact, questioning anything was a ‘sin’ in itself.

this turned into a deep fear, turning my thoughts and questioning into shame and if any sort of critical thinking comes up, it was the devil after me…

when adulthood came, it was then hard for me to have a sense of understanding of my true beliefs.

i couldn’t put into words what i felt and whenever the conversation of religion or god came up, i didn’t really know how to express where i stand in it.

but i knew deep down, what i grew up with didn’t quite align me. the control, fear, judgement that comes with it didn’t feel right. neither did the idea of some man looking down on me, judging what is right and wrong or whether i deserve to go to heaven or not.

this one man creating everything? i don’t know about that. and why is it a man?

i remember i had this conversation with a friend, telling him all this and i followed with, ‘‘i think i am god.’’ laughing with him, explaining that i didn’t mean in a narcissistic way.

it wasn’t until i sat for 10 days in silence, where it became clear for me.

what i really meant in that conversation is that god is within me, within all of us.

because what is god, anyway?

in the core of it all - god is love. god is kindness. god is compassion. god is forgiveness. god is the lightness within us, the good in us all.

it’s all there, within us.

we just gotta tap into it. so, what is god to you?